Why I Killed My Blog

I killed my old blog because it sucked. Why?

Because I didn’t want to offend.
I didn’t want to offend my coworkers, who read my brother’s blog, saw some profanity, and almost concluded he was the Antichrist.
I didn’t want to offend potential clients, who would give me lots of money if they got over the fact that I looked young enough to be their grandson.
I didn’t want to offend relatives, who pass the time by forwarding and reforwarding emails that promise miracles for forwarding and reforwarding spam to at least seven sinners.
So I killed my blog.

Because I didn’t want to be wrong.
I never wrote anything that could be corrected, disproved, or used against me.
I wrote with perfect spelling and grammar, the voice in my head pronouncing every word with a perfect English accent.
Everything was correct. But none of it was true. At least not my truth.
And because none of it was true, none of it mattered.
None of it was interesting. All of it was boring.
I’d rather die than be boring.
So I killed my blog.

Because the writer of that blog wasn’t me.
If you really knew me, and you read my old blog, you wouldn’t think I wrote it.
You’d think a law-abiding citizen wrote it. I’m an anarchist.
You’d think a god-fearing Christian wrote it. I’m an atheist.
You’d think an all-pleasing consultant wrote it. I’m an asshole.
I was an anarchist-atheist-asshole who blogged like an angel.
So I killed my blog.

Thus my old blog is dead.
Luckily, I’m still alive.
And luckily, blogs, unlike burning birds and mythical messiahs, can be raised from the dead.
And this new blog, born again, will be written by the real Red.
Resurrected, it will offend. And it will be rude.But it will be true.
And everyone will say:
Only Ryan Tani could have written this shit.
May the shit I write be holy.
Amen.